Here’s What It Feels Like To Experience Bipolar Mania, Because It Isn’t Just ‘High Energy’
Mania is wonderful, crazy, and, at times, terrifying.
The mania ate away at my sense of self, leaving only the very best and very impulsive parts of me – a dangerous combination when you are convinced you can do anything you want to at that very moment in time.
I spoke to my psychiatrist about the situation, and she upped my meds. It always feels like a step backward — the medication should be helping, yet there I go again, needing to up my medication for the third time in six months.
But the fact of the matter is that bipolar is a constant roller coaster ride, a constant adjustment of meds, a constant cycle, a constant in my life. My mood swings do not indicate failure — they indicate that my brain needs a little extra help, because I’m only human. I don’t believe in the term “normal” — everybody has their own definition for it. Bipolar is my normal. And even though mania can be fun and bring out an idealized version of myself, there’s nothing better than feeling sane.
To end this, I’ll quote Carrie Fisher again, for she always seems to say it best:
“I am mentally ill. I can say that. I am not ashamed of that. I survived that, I’m surviving it, but bring it on.”